Krispy Kreme Krisis
by ShadowOfAPrincess
Summary: Iruka takes his students to the Krispy Kreme shop for a field trip. While there, Neji makes a rather disturbing and upsetting proclamation.


_This is yet another one of my pointless, funny, I-wrote-this-because-I-was-effing-bored stories._

_I hope it appeals to your better nature._

Disclaimer: Disclaimed.

"Okay, everyone!" Iruka shouted to his students. "I would like everyone to form two single file lines next to the bus, please!"

Everyone shuffled quickly to do as they were told. Naruto, Sasuke, Neji and Kiba all pushed towards the front of the first line, eager to get the front row seats.

"Sasuke will sit with me," Naruto was saying. "And Neji, you and Kiba can sit together."

Kiba nodded in approval, and Sasuke muttered a short "Hn." But Neji protested against the idea.

"Why does _Sasuke_ get to sit with you?" He questioned.

"Huh?"

"Why can't _I _sit with you?"

Naruto's left eye twitched disturbingly, and Kiba began to laugh. "Dude, you sounded so gay just now!"

"Do you really want to sit next to Naruto?" Sasuke asked Neji. His facial expression did not change, though it usually never did. But he was tremendously surprised.

"Of course not," Neji sniffed. "I just wanted something to argue about."

Naruto was _thisclose_ to punching him in the face.

"Alright, guys!" Iruka bellowed. "Time to board the bus! Line A goes in first. Line B, you all follow!"

Line A, which was led by Naruto, quickly climbed onto the bus. A few disgruntled whispers of "Why does Line _A_ get to go in first?" were heard throughout the students in Line B as they followed Line A onto the bus.

Naruto and Sasuke sat down in the very first seat on the left side of the bus. Kiba and Neji sat directly across from them and began a heated conversation about "that new _Twilight_ movie that just came out and how the guy playing Edward sort of resembles a chimpanzee".

Iruka climbed onto the bus and proceeded to recite a lecture on proper etiquette and what type of behavior should be maintained while they were on their field trip. No one really paid him much attention, though. And he didn't care-he was only going through the motions.

Iruka turned to the bus driver and gave her the okay to go. The bus driver bellowed "ALRIGHT, HANG ON EVERYONE!" and quickly pulled away from the curb.

The bus zoomed down the highway with such a speed that was never-before heard of in bus-driving history. This even startled Lee, the King of Speed. He closed his eyes and began to pray frantically. Sasuke put his head between his legs and breathed deeply. Naruto swallowed the piece of gum he was chewing. Neji began to scream, which was unusual, and Kiba began to bark, which wasn't unusual.

Eventually, the erratic bus driver slowed down and pulled to a stop in front of a large bakery. The sign above it said 'Home of the Krispy Kreme™'. Iruka ordered everyone off the bus and ushered them quickly inside.

The employees behind the counter looked up as the students trudged in. Simultaneously, they greeted them with a high-pitched "HELLO!"

Everyone flinched.

A large, portly man with a fluffy white beard and who closely resembled Santa Claus walked into the room from what was obviously the kitchen. "HELLO STUDENTS OF KONOHA ACADEMY," he bellowed. "I AM BOTH HUMBLED AND EXCITED TO HAVE YOU ALL IN THE VICINITY OF MY KRISPY KREME™ SHOP. IF YOU WILL ALL COME WITH ME, I WOULD BE GLAD TO SHOW YOU AROUND."

Iruka and the rest of the students followed closely behind him. A few students, Naruto and Kiba included, were constantly glancing at Shikamaru and giggling.  
"What are you boobs laughing at?" Shika asked, not realizing that he was the object of their hilarity. A couple of unnamed students had drawn on his face with Magic Marker and the little mustache he was sporting was beginning to twitch violently.

"OKAY, KIDS," the large man (his nametag read 'Ol' Louie) bellowed again. "THIS IS WHERE WE PREPARE THE DOUGH FOR THE KRISPY KREME™ DONUTS. AS YOU CAN SEE, A COUPLE OF OUR EXPERTS HERE ARE CURRENTLY KNEADING A FRESH BATCH." He pointed to the two men, Megumi and Daisuke, who were pounding the poor dough into oblivion. They glanced up quickly and smiled, then began to knead the dough again. Ol' Louie shuffled the students into the next room. "THIS," he boomed, "IS WHERE WE FRY THE KRISPY KREME™ DONUT DOUGH." He pointed to a large deep-frying stove-like unit in one corner of the room. There was one young woman standing in front of it who was carefully removing the cooked donuts from the oil, and then another carrying a small black pot/pitcher/thing towards the stove.

"What is that?" Sasuke asked, pointing at the pot/pitcher/thing in the young woman, Susan's, hand.

"THAT," Ol' Louie bellowed, "IS A COFFEE POT. IF YOU KNEW ME, YOU WOULD REALIZE THAT I AM NOT QUITE MYSELF TODAY. I AM LACKING MY DAILY DOSE OF CAFFIENE TODAY, YOU SEE. SOME BOZO DRANK THE LAST BIT OF COFFEE IN THE KRISPY KREME™ KITCHEN THIS MORNING." And then, to everyone's horror, his voice dropped two octaves. "And did not make a fresh pot." Then, using his enormous strength, his smashed his fist into the wall, creating a large hole straight through to the other side.

"Um…" Iruka said, sweat forming on his forehead. His students huddled close together.

"I APOLOGIZE FOR MY SUDDEN EXTREME OUTBURST," he Ol' Louie boomed, his jolly smile reappearing on his chubby face. "PLEASE FORGIVE ME. NOW ONWARD TO THE MOST ENJOYABLE AND IMPORTANT ROOM IN THE KRISPY KREME™ BAKERY-THE GLAZING STATION!"

Shikamaru and Sasuke did not deem this important at all. In fact they found it rather boring. They both exchanged a knowing glance and "Hn", then turned to go find something interesting to do as Kiba, Naruto, Lee and Neji stared in awe at the gooey white mess that was drizzling onto the cooked donuts on the conveyor belt. And then Ol' Louie spoke. "AND THAT CONCLUDES THE TOUR OF THE KRISPY KREME™ BAKERY. I HOPE YOU HAVE ALL ENJOYED YOURSELVES."

"Why does he add the trademark symbol every time he says Krispy Kreme™?" Neji asked quietly. And then he frowned upon noticing that somehow, Ol' Louie had stuck the symbol to the end of his sentence as well.

"AS A SPECIAL TREAT," Ol' Louie continued, "I SHALL PRESENT YOU ALL WITH A 100-COUNT BOX OF KRISPY KREME™ DONUTS, FRESH OFF THE CONVEYOR BELT!"

Shika and Sasuke stopped in their tracks. "_Food..._" they thought hungrily.

Neji, Sasuke, Sakura, Shikamaru, Naruto, Lee, and Kiba all sat underneath a big tree behind the Krispy Kreme™ bakery. They were not far from it, and they could smell the delicious scent of frying donuts from where they sat. They were all scarfing down donuts in a greedy fashion. Neji was the only one who was not eating. He stared at his fellow genin with a look of disgust.

"What's the matter, Neji?" Naruto asked him. "You allergic to donuts or something?"

"Or something," Neji replied. "Ho can you all sit there and eat that?"

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, inhaling yet another donut. She had obviously forgotten about her diet. "How can you not? They're delicious!" She took a huge bite out of her donut and smiled.

Sasuke, Lee and Shika all grabbed another donut and took a bite, Sasuke swallowing his whole. "Yes, they are," he agreed, licking his lips.

"And warm," Shika added, staring off into space.

Neji almost threw up. "Didn't you guys see that stuff dripping down onto them from the conveyor belt?" He asked pointedly. "Yeah," Naruto said. "What about it?"

"It looked like-" Neji paused for dramatic effect. "-Jizz."

Naruto and Sasuke promptly spit out their bits of chewed up donut. Sakura ran behind a bush and threw up. Shika simple loosened his teeth from the donut he was currently in the process of demolishing, and put it back in the box. The color of his face was gradually beginning to resemble that of Lee's spandex suit.

"What's 'jizz'?" Said boy asked innocently. He was still happily munching on his donut.

Obviously, Lee was not the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Yeah, Neji," Sakura said, having returned from her spewing behind the bush. "Why don't you go ahead and tell sweet, innocent little Lee just what 'jizz' is?"

Neji looked incredulously at Sakura. "Why should _I_ have to explain it to him? Must _I _be the one to educate him on such matters?"

"You're the one who brought it up, aren't you? I believe that's more than enough reason."

Neji stared at Sakura, thoroughly annoyed, for a few more seconds. Then, rolling his eyes, he turned to Lee.

"Okay, Lee," he said, tugging on his shirt collar. "I'm gonna lay it all out for you." He paused.

"Get on with it!" Lee blurted.

"There comes a time in every young couple's life when they want to show each other how much they love one another. To do that, the young man must-"

"I know about that!" Lee exclaimed. "I just want to know what-"

"Jizz is," Neji continued, "The substance…that…er…" He looked around, suddenly feeling a bit hot and very self-conscious. "Well, Lee-you know what an orgasm is, right?"

"Right," Lee said enthusiastically. He swallowed the last bit of donut he was chewing then…he reached for another one.

"Well, jizz is that stuff that shoots out of a guy's…um…you know…" He motioned towards his privates, "When he reaches his…his…h-his…!"  
His face was very red.

But there was no longer a need for Neji to finish his statement! Lee, who had been happily munching on his warm, sticky, delicious donut, had finally come to realize just _what_, in fact, Neji had been fixing to say. And, all at once, the recollections of previously watched Sex 101 videos came hurtling back towards Lee with a speed that rivaled his own, and his him like a pillowcase stuffed filled with bricks.

"Holy spit," he mumbled. He suddenly felt very queasy.

"Well, now that that's been said, what should be done with this?" Shikamaru asked, holding up the box of remaining donuts.

"Give it to Choji?" Naruto suggested.

The group of friends gladly agreed with Naruto's brilliant idea. They all stood and went to find Choji. AS soon as they found said boy, they happily presented him with the half-eaten box of donuts, describing it as a "gift for his birthday". And Choji didn't even question the munificent gesture-he happily ate them all, not even caring that it wasn't his birthday.


End file.
